Music journos are a peculiar breed. Constantly feeling the need to justify a career choice which verges on the redundant (namely, trying to describe music in lumpy old, tone-deaf words) they summon up ever more ridiculous conceits - a smoke and mirrors cover to what is, essentially, an unnecessary parasite to the main event.

Not that we mind. We like lots of unnecessary things: Cadbury’s Giant Buttons, The New Ferry Bypass, iPhone antennas…

Some music scribes take a scientific approach - inventing ever more archaic and obscure musical sub-genres to box their latest finds into, in the hope that one of them will stick. But for every Britpop and Dubstep there’s a million Bitpop, Nintendocore, electro-bluegrass, and Post-Mathcore littering the music press.

Others summon up a kind of entry-level gonzo journalism, spewing out sub-Kerouac beat-generation sixth-form streams of (self)consciousness.

Wirral’s Forest Swords have suffered both these assaults - they’ve been dubbed:

“echo-soaked sound-mysterons, occasional face-bass blasts, deep chamber-summoned vocal samples, and minimal psych-guitar riff-loops” and a “hypnagogic Aphex Twin”. Some, referring to their debut release, Dagger Paths, wager “This reverential orientialism imparts a “perception corollary” to these compositions which arguably amplifies a certain cultural/philosophical stance…”

Lest you be sucked in, remember - the irony is that these are people who never buy a single CD or pay for a download. They believe their music should appear, for zero pence, in their pigeonholes, as reward for their invaluable service to the music industry. They’ll also occasionally rally against Pirate Bay. Oh the irony.

Thankfully, their days are numbered. Who needs words in a world of Spotify and peer-to-peer?

And, as we’ve discovered, the pen is most definitely less mighty than the Sword…

Actually a one-man West Wirral Outfit, Forest Swords’ new single - Rattling Cage - is out next week. Buy it on limited edition 7″ vinyl here.

But what’s it sound like? Well, it’s a gauzy palimpsest of cinematic, lo-fi textures. It’s somewhere between Glitchadelia and Bedroom DroneDub. Oh hot damn. And we were doing so well…

Just listen. It’s good.

Full disclosure: We know Forest Swords. He is our friend. But we’d recommend this even if he hated us. Which he probably does now.