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Almost Famous: The Review

By on August 6, 2013
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The rumours circulated around the city for months. They spit-roast bloggers. If they see you taking photos, they’ll force you to eat a burger that’s not even pink in the middle. Urgh. Ultimate man vs foodshame. The men who run it? They’re Daft Punk. We saw one take his helmet off to wipe filthy evil ketchup off his visor.

Oh yes. The rumours did what the rumours were employed to do.

But make no mistake. Despite their earlier ‘no press, no bloggers, no instagram’ schtick - these people want you to like them. They’re desperate to be our friends. Heck, at the opening party (which we didn’t go to. We have a similar rule to live by: No Opening Parties) the crowd was snapping away as much as they were munching, and Twitter was dripping in meat juices and well stacked buns.

Look! They’re serving food on frisbees! Look! There’s a sign that says (snigger) Meat Whore! Meat Slut! That’s so naughty it gives me the Meat Sweats. God this is just so Welbeck Street.

Listen! They’re playing Michael Jackson so loudly the PR girls on the other table are standing up and dancin’ their little tushes off. But they’re not meat whores, or meat sluts - none of the girls here (or boys) are, because Almost Famous doesn’t mean it, not in that way. No, it’s just dirty food fun.

Yes, Almost Famous has played a blinder. They’re bringing the messy meat of the moment to us with a co-ordinated plan of attack so orchestrated and contrived we temporarily forget there’s nothing new here. It’s just a rearrangement of all those things you’ve ticked that you like on Facebook. Served on a FRISBEE!! Yay. Have we mentioned the frisbee? Oh my god. That’s so funny.

And the oddest thing? They really didn’t need to try so hard. The food’s great.

Their menu offers nothing new, but it offers few disappointments either: their crack wings were gooey, spicily moreish, plump and moist too.

The Fairground Burger - double cheese, fried onions, chipotle relish and jalapenos - came with a pair of pink (very pink, actually) burgers and a mush of innards squished between a buttery brioche. If I’m pushed, I prefer one fat one to two slim ones. Y’know, so they’re juicier, like. But there was so much going on here, I kind of made enough slutty juices of my own. I know, what an immoral and promiscuous woman I must be.

Almost Famous is the sort of place where, if you see a waiter at a table with an armful of plates, you can never be too sure whether he’s taking them away, of delivering them fresh from the kitchen. Food just sort of finds its level, oozes out, constituent part melding into constituent part.

But, hey, this is dirty. And, yep, it’s really quite tasty too. Take Sloppy Juan, a double cheeseburger with lashings of hot chilli and onions. If this beast doesn’t melt your whorey heart, consider a trip to Broadgreen.

Fries and sides-wise we’d opt for the Chilli cheese fries: a whopping plateful of gooey, festive-looking stringy fries, with a riot of, well, let’s just say stuff. Like Timmy Mallet was back doing Saturdays at Maccie D’s (maybe he is).

You can skip the I Scream Sundaes (oh GOD. That’s funny, I’ve just seen what they did there). These were the evening’s let down. They’re like, you know when there’s always a whacky one on Come Dine With Me? Someone who thinks they’re being creative with the fancy cake toppings and Angel Delight, only to produce a fucking sight in a trifle dish? They’re like that.

There is nothing more disconcerting than necking a nice spoonful of ice-cream, only to discover a crouching tiger, hidden gummy bear. Disconcerting and border-line dangerous. So, yeah, stick to the meat, bitches (sorry, readers), it is all that.

We leave, sated, happy and dazed. In years to come, we’ll look back at all this and wonder. Just like we did with fun pubs, strip joints and Crocs. But, for now, Almost Famous is exactly what we want. Probably best we don’t try to work out why.


Almost Famous
Parr Street

(Their website’s as MESSY as their food, and THEY DON’T CARE!!!)

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  • Bish

    Unsure how to take the tone of the review, but we went down to Almost Famous today as they were offering free lunchtime burgers. I got a famous, and my mate got a sloppy juan. Best burgers I’ve had in town for a long time.

  • Vicky

    “They’re like, you know when there’s always a whacky one on Come Dine With Me? Someone who thinks they’re being creative with the fancy cake toppings and Angel Delight, only to produce a fucking sight in a trifle dish? They’re like that. ”

    This article kind of reads like that.

  • Sarah

    I 100% agree with this review. Great burgers but they are trying way too hard and it’s unnecessary. I’d also add that it seemed like forever for our food to arrive, but the service was great which more than made up for it. In fact the staff were all fantastic and I find that rare nowadays.

    On a negative point though, they desperately need a more descriptive cocktail list. It’s impossible to guess what each thing is, and at £7 a pop you don’t really want to get it wrong. The Bubblegum Mojito was a poor version of the Jungle Mojito in York’s Evil Eye (they should go there for some lessons). Just stick to beer and wine if you’re not going to do things properly?!

    I’ll definitely return though. Liverpool is saturated with burger joints right now but this place has swooped in and claimed the top spot in my opinion.

  • Charlie

    Badly written review

  • Jayne

    To me it reads like my experience in Almost Famous on Saturday. Totally over the top and trying way too hard. I love SevenStreets reviews, unlike every other review in the city, they’re actually fun to read, instead of just a boring list of who had what, and always 100% trustworthy. You might not get it Vicky, too bad.

  • Vicky

    “Totally over the top and trying way too hard”

    This article kind of reads like that.

    I love Sevenstreets, it’s why I’m here reading it. I just don’t like this review much, think some of the language is uncalled for and the writer has tried to be overly witty and failed in some places. So I left a comment as I thought it was amusing that this was the opinion the writer had of the place, and that she’d managed to put it across in a way that echoed the experience.

    You might not have got that Jayne, too bad.

  • Tom Lox

    This is a horribly written review. I’m not saying that you are, but you come across as incredibly cunty and you’ve spoken down to both the reader and the establishment.

    I don’t have much more to say about this, you are trying SO HARD to be funny and quirky that it comes across as sheer arrogance. If Seven Streets wrote all their articles in the same way you have here I very much doubt you’d have a website anymore.

    Take a piece of your own advice and rein it in a little.

  • Bobby

    Seven Streets food reviews have gone downhill massively in the last few months. Pull your socks up.

  • Liverpool Lou

    you can do a witty review without resorting to uncouth gutter language! Not cool and not funny. I found it offensive.

  • Rob T

    Have to agree with this review unfortunately. The food was GREAT but the whole experience was a complete head-wrecker..

  • Kegs

    Loved the burgers, loved the soundtrack and the staff where so helpful and fun with it you could tell they loved their job. Dont feel its contrived as some of our so called ‘cool’ places in town

    Long live Liverpool Almost Famous!!!!!!

  • Jen

    What a horrible meanspirited review. Says more about the reviewer than the restaurant.

  • RichD

    I have to agree with the review really. The food is good but the marketing approach really screams out “4OD watching uber-hipster”, who is clearly trying so hard to be cool that it conceals a terrified, lonely child on the inside, who probably got bullied at school but decided to “reinvent” themselves at uni.

    The article’s language was quite contextual actually, as the reviewer was mimicking the approach of the place being reviewed.

  • Harrs

    Not a good review really; patronising to say the least.
    SevenStreet’s food reviews are going down hill as is the whole thing really.
    Less bottom up than it used to be.

  • Sarah

    I think the love/hate theme of these comments is probably highly correlated with who has and hasn’t been yet. I don’t think some people realise the writer is taking the mickey out of Almost Famous’ “style”, and I suppose if you’re offended by this article’s language then don’t visit the restaurant as it has swear words on the walls and the menus.

    I’m surprised more people aren’t banging on about their website also? It’s not quite as impossible to navigate as Camp & Furnace’s, but it’s tiring and immature.

  • Ben J.

    Great good but what’s with the tone of the review. It’s mocking.

  • Mark Walsh

    And here I was thinking I was safe watching 4OD, but no, I’m a hipster.

  • RichD

    Ah, typing fail. I meant E4!

  • Mark Walsh

    Yep, thought I was safe but it turns out I am not, again!

  • Tom Lox

    “Hey guys! You just don’t *get* this review because you’ve not been there yet!” And here’s me thinking that restaurant reviews were written to tell people about restaurants they’ve not been before.

    So what you’re saying is that this review is an in-joke for people who have already been the restaurant and didn’t like it in there? So in future, when I tell my friends about places i’ve been I should alienate them completely by describing it in a way that only the people who were with me would find it interesting?

    What you’re saying is that this review is the written equivalent of “No, no, honestly! I’m funny, but you probably had to be there.”

  • thewilk

    Yeah, the clue is in the food served on frisbees. You can’t do that and expect to be taken seriously. I think this review tells me a lot about Almost Famous. I’ll definitely go there to eat soon but it’s not likely the type of place I’d go just to hang out.

  • Sam

    Tom

    Reviews are there to give recommendations, but that’s not all, they are written to be entertaining and a decent read, hopefully done with some wit and intelligence. If you look at the main newspaper reviews Rayner, Coran etc, the style of writing is as important as what they say about the food.

    That’s what this review was about, decent writing making a point without resorting to direct, obviouse and boring description. I think it’s very well done, and does exactly that, and without having to call someone “cunty”.

    The more you protest the more obviouse you make it that you really didn’t get it.

  • Tom Lox

    Obvious*

  • RichD

    Hipster!

  • RichD

    There’s something to be said for coming across as “too cool for school” sometimes….I’m looking at you Shipping Forecast. This isn’t Camden or Brick Lane. Stop trying to be.

  • Sam

    I guess that proves my point, doesn’t it?

  • Phil Daley

    I don’t know if they’ve decided if they’re a bar or a restaurant.

    Went in yesterday and after a 40 minute wait for a table our waitress did nothing to decipher the menu and its ridiculously named sides with absolutely no hint as to what they actually are (still not sure what true romance fries are, but I had to go through half a bottle of mustard before I found a chip). she did get very excited about telling us we could use the jukebox for free though…

    They need a decibel counter badly. We ate in silence because it was useless to talk. The black keys was deafening.

    The wait for a table shows they were busy and obviously they want a quick turnaround on covers, but I swear to god I put the fork down for a second, reached for a chip and the waitress was gone with my plate. This was after another did the same with my drink before. I was actually still chewing when we walked out. It’s a good job they make you pay up front when that’s the kind of service you get!

    It wasn’t just me either. At least 3 different groups took to twitter to complain about their service last night .

    Almost famous is an ok-is burger joint. The meats cooked nice, the buns are awesome, the menus a bit unexciting, but the place is 100% bullshit.i don’t care about the jukebox. I definitely don’t are you’ve got a photo booth. I do care about my hearing, and being allowed to finish the food I paid for.

    When they decide if they want to throw a party or cook a burger I might go back. Can’t do both

  • Sarah

    I think I’m more likely to read a review of somewhere I’ve already been rather than somewhere I haven’t. It’s a way of finding out what other people made of a place, and interesting to see if I ordered poorly or if other customers had different service/ambience experiences.

    I also feel an important part of a review is telling restaurants what they have right and what they have wrong. I would hope that if Almost Famous read this review they would see how irritating they are and tone it down in the future. Reviews serve many purposes and telling people about places they haven’t been before is only one of them.

  • Heather

    I’d really like it if the staff left one song playing instead of flicking over every time they hear something they don’t like.

  • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk/ Robin Brown

    Well, that certainly comes across as pretty cunty.

  • Richard Hector-Jones

    Loaded magazine in a bap.

  • Phil

    Hang on, if there is something to be said for coming across like that sometimes, then why should the Shipping Forecast stop trying to be?

    …And anyway, I’d have to completely disagree that the Shipping Forecast has that grating hipster vibe to it. They have good gigs and a decent selection of world beers, nothing very Hoxton about that.

  • YorkshirePudding

    not caring that your website is a mess is a bit unprofessional in my opinion, regardless of what image you are trying to foster, ill be going in the near future no doubt but it would have been nice to read the menu

  • YorkshirePudding

    well I visited today and was very pleased, i just had the most bog standard offering from the menu as I was just testing the waters so to speak and i wasn’t feeling obscenely hungry. I’m pleased that despite normally serving the burgers pink they were happy to do my order well done, I’m not sure what the obsession with rare or medium rare burgers is, call me a luddite but i think its tempting fate. Anyhoo the burger was lovely! two nicely sized patties and a cracking sauce, chips were nice too and it was decent value as well. I visited lunch time Friday so it wasn’t heaving and nicely chilled, it goes well with the other burger joints we have in town. Two minor quibbles i don’t get the Frisbee plates, now im quite irreverently minded but an airborne device just didn’t seem to work well as a plate, and its one of those charge you separate for the chips places. Still as i said lovely food, decent value and friendly staff, give it a punt.

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  • Danyel J. Roberts

    I can’t distinguish the mongy sacarstic jokes from the actual reviewing; just write a review, please, for god’s sake… if the music’s too loud, just say the music’s too loud, not “Listen! They’re playing Michael Jackson so loudly the PR girls on the other table are standing up and dancin’ their little tushes off.” That’s just confusingly ambiguous, and it’s not even funny.